—

 

Listen to the podcast here

The Loneliness of Leadership

Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Experimental Leader Podcast. I’m Melanie Parish. And it’s nice to be with you here live today. I’m super excited to be here with you. And our guest was ill today. So I’m here alone. And I thought I might share sort of my own thoughts about how I think what I’m thinking about right now. It’s a little lonely when my guest doesn’t show up. And so here I am.

And I’m thinking about the loneliness of leadership, which I know is a topic that really resonates with people. I know that it really resonates, because I’ve written articles about it. And I know that all of you who lead teams who lead organizations who are leading your own life, have times that don’t go so well. And you find yourself in a position of leadership when things are challenging. The I’m gonna pause for a second and just collect myself.

Being a woman leader means that life happens around me as I try to do my own business, my own work. And it’s often that I have to create a space for that work. I have to keep my elbows out, as I’m doing that work, as I’m trying to have vision for my company and for my children, my family. And sometimes I feel like there’s actually people playing defense around me as I do it. When I just said I have to take a pause it was because in my house where I just announced I was doing a podcast, someone let the dog out who was scratching at the door for several minutes during the start of my podcast. And and that adds to the loneliness of leadership.

I found out last night that my great aunt died at 98. And I my aunt was telling me stories about how she would take her children she they owned movie theaters. And they owned a drive in movie theater and a movie theater in town and they worked many nights. And they would put their kids in the car and put them to bed in car until the concession stand would close and went and then she would drive them home and put them into bed. And I thought about the level of commitment of that the incredible commitment to her business to her career, that that took to have little children sleeping in a car to drive in theater, which probably, you know, they thought was kind of cool, but the impact on her as someone doing family and work at the same time. And it adds to that feeling of the loneliness of leadership.

I had another friend die in January. And the silence of the end of that relationship the silence that death leaves has left me contemplating both my own and the existence of the people I love and the meaning of life in a way that makes it hard to be a coach. Much of coaching is about helping people strive and being present as they strive and to holding, helping them hold a vision for things they want to have happen. And the finality of death makes that a challenge and adds to the loneliness of leadership. I know all right, myself, I’ve been here before.

But all of these things are part of what makes me human as a leader, while I do my work. And I thought it might be important to talk about that it’s not all shiny. It’s not all exciting. It’s not all vision, sometimes it’s this. Sometimes it’s grappling with the inner landscape. Sometimes it’s being with the loneliness as you do the tasks that are the leadership tasks.

So I wanted to talk to you about all of this today. And I wanted to ask you some questions. What makes leadership lonely? When do you feel leadership is at its loneliness, most loneliest for you?

And then the next question is, is there anything that you can do to connect with others during those times? Is there anything you can do to invite others to create communities so that you aren’t alone? Is there a way that you can have resources, have relationships have professional relationships, coaching, therapy, religious affiliations, that keep the loneliness at bay?

And then finally, what can you do for self care? To keep yourself strong and powerful? So that you can grapple with this reality? It just is true. We know that loneliness and leadership is a thing. How do you make it okay for yourself? How do you give yourself the foundations the strength?

I do things like I swim two or three times a week I get massage, I get chiropractic I try to do the deepest self care I can think of, so that I can be present for my clients be present for myself, be present for my family.

Last night, I made popcorn. I really want wanted it to be movie popcorn. But it was just popcorn to eat in memory of my Great Aunt Sarah, who died. And today I really honor her journey and her life where she lived fully worked fully was a business woman and a loving family member for her whole life.

And today, I challenge you to figure out the best ways to grapple with the loneliness of your own leadership and to create the fullest life that you can for yourself. Go experiment.

—

—

Join The Experimental Leader community today: