How To Overcome The Loneliness Of Leadership During The Coronavirus Crisis

Being a leader is lonely work, none more so than today during the coronavirus Covid-19 crisis. Some of us have experienced a variety of bosses in their career, but aren’t sure who to emulate, so feel they aren’t providing any real value in the organization. Others are getting sucked into a spiral of trying to do more and more while missing the real objective of leading.

As a leader, you are often alone. You can’t always express doubts to your boss because you don’t want them to doubt you. You can’t always express your doubts to the people you manage because you don’t want them to know you aren’t sure of yourself. You may be sometimes careful about what to share at work, and you may be unsure about who to trust. But there are ways you can ease this loneliness.

Here are five simple ways you can help yourself overcome the loneliness of leadership:

1. Establish lifelines Find friends outside your industry and workplace. You need a safe space to vent, and it will be better for you to have an outside perspective. For about a year, Melanie Parish, author of The Experimental Leader: Be A New Kind of Boss to Cultivate an Organization of Innovators, was a leader in a very toxic workplace. One of her friends said, “You are different lately; you seem edgy and unhappy.” He was right; she was. Parish told me that this experience helped nudge her about the situation, and consequently, make different decisions. She explained that as a result, she became less lonely “because he cared.” Having friends helps, never underestimate that.

2. Exchange answers for questions Give up on being a leader who knows the answers. Give up on being an “all-knowing” leader and allow yourself to say, “I don’t know. How do you think you can find out?” Your staff will be amazed by your engaging leadership and will be more empowered. You won’t be solving as many problems alone late at night by yourself. Your questions will allow people to work on issues together and create a more profound sense of team for everyone to share problem-solving.

3. Manage up Create allies in the people in the organization above you. They believed in you when they promoted you, help them see you succeed. Share decisive triumphs regularly and ask for advice on challenges they might be able to help you with. This can’t be contrived—you have to respect them and their opinion genuinely. If you trust them, they can become your allies, and you can become their confidante over time. Make sure to keep their secrets, and you will start to become relevant to them. You will begin to have a better understanding of what is happening in the organization. Loneliness is worse if you are out of the loop.

4. Be interesting Allow yourself to have interests outside of work. Have friends. Experiment with hobbies. Take most of your vacation time, even if you can’t go anywhere other than staying at home. You will have to navigate your own workplace culture around vacations. Still, your life will be fuller, more productive, and more fulfilling if you have a fascinating experience outside the office. Leadership will feel less lonely if it a part of a broader context of fulfillment.

5. Practice extreme self-care Leadership is hard. Between imposter syndrome and emotional labor, the job itself can take its toll. Learning to replenish is essential. When things get tough, reach for the vitamins and vegetables instead of the margaritas and martinis. When leaders are only the edge, they start to look a little rough. There is visual evidence they aren’t entirely pulling it off. When you begin to feel that way, double down on some self-care—it will show that you care for yourself. Lean in, connect with others, engage, and find the real relationships all around you—your colleagues are probably a little lonely too. You can find a path around the loneliness.