The show’s guest in this episode is Fiona Demark. She is a life coach, and an inspirational speaker with over 25 years experience helping others achieve their dreams and a lifetime of experience overcoming diversity.

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Overcoming Adversity, Resilience and Keeping a Positive Mindset with Fiona Demark

Hi, it’s great to be here with you live today. I’ve been thinking about leadership and loss. And I know that everyone’s had so much loss this last couple of years. I got word this morning that a friend and colleague died yesterday. And it has me thinking about what I need to do in this moment in, in my day, in my week, to care for myself as I absorb another loss. And I don’t have any brilliant answers. But I know some of you are absorbing losses, too. There’s so many different kinds of losses that today’s climate gives us. Sometimes it’s the loss of a trusted boss who moves on to another job. Or sometimes it’s the loss of a family member or a pet. Sometimes it’s the loss of a job itself, or work that you love. And sometimes it’s just the loss of freedom.

And I think all these things affect our leadership, I think that leadership can be incredibly lonely. And I think that these things sort of make that more and more true. Lately, I’ve been feeling like it’s hard to fill my cup. And that has me thinking about what do I put in my cup? What do I want in my cup? What sustains me as a leader? For me, it’s often travel, it’s also often doing something, restaurants, friends, laughter, and all of those seem things seem a little more difficult to achieve right now. And I’m curious about what it is for you, how do you fill your cup? It has me thinking about what can I be instead of what can I do to fill that cup? I really want to challenge you to think about that this week, and to think about what you want in your cup, and how you put that there for yourself as a leader.

And today, I’m really excited to introduce our guests, Fiona Demark. Fiona is a life coach, and she’s an inspirational speaker with over 25 years experience helping others achieve their dreams and a lifetime of experience overcoming diversity. I’m so excited to have Fiona on my show.

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Welcome, Fiona.

Thank you for having me, Melanie. It’s great to be here.

Well, I want to just start by asking you, what inspires you to do the work that you do in the world.

So I grew up with what is considered to be quite a rare genetic eye condition. So I’ve been classified as being legally blind since I was quite young. And I guess as a child, it didn’t really make a great deal of difference. I just kind of got on with life, along with the rest of my other children and colleagues. And it wasn’t until I was a teenager, and it was time to sort of start thinking about the future and where I sat within my community and where that that future lied. And I thought, well, what what can I do that is going to be beneficial to me and beneficial to other people. And I hit a bit of a, you know, a brick wall. I think sometimes we we have to get to that point where we’re feeling quite lost and not quite sure where we’re going. Before we we have that moment of clarity. And that kind of happened to me when I was about 16 I sort of thought the world was ready to come crashing down. I was like Humpty Dumpty up on that wall wondering whether I wanted to jump or someone was going to push me off. And it was like, Okay, well, it’s time to actually think about where this is going to take me and I definitely could have gone potentially in the two different directions. And I used that point in life to inspire me to go okay, well, you know, I do have something a bit unique, and that will allow me to help other people.

How have you been experimenting during the pandemic? What has that done to your life and work? How has your ability to overcome adversity helped you help your clients during these crazy times?

I think we all have options in life and any time that becomes a little bit difficult in life. You know, we need to work out how that we can tap into those inner resources a little bit like you were talking about in the beginning with grief and loss. You know, those tough times in life. We’re all learning something from them. They’re all pulling in front of us as a challenge. And I think you know, the last couple of years has been a great chapter for many of us, but to work out what positives you can draw from that, rather than, you know, get stuck in the things that you can’t do and focus on all the things that are going wrong. Focus on the things that you now maybe have the ability to do. So, if great example is many people here in Melbourne, I think I think we hold the record, actually here in Melbourne, Australia as the most lockdown city in the world, which is, I don’t know whether that’s a great thing or not. But, you know, instead of kind of freaking out and thinking about all the things that that weren’t able to happen, just focus on the opportunity to actually take a breath and go, Okay, what are the things that I can do in this space? What are the things that I can make work for me that potentially maybe I’m too busy to do? Because I’m normally pulled in other directions? Or, you know, just to refocus? And, you know, work out what’s really important to you. And I think, definitely, we’ve all sort of had it emphasized in the last little while, the things that are really important to us, and the things that we really should be focusing on rather than what we’ve sort of had fallen into the rut of just doing what was expected.

And you’re a leader of your own life, you help lead others? What are you focusing on? How are you refocusing right now?

Um, look, I love to be busy, I’m one of those people that, you know, I think, I don’t sit and just do nothing, I laugh at my husband, he tells me, I don’t know how to relax, and I’m like, I am relaxing. I’m just doing three things. Well, I’m relaxing. So yeah, I think just keeping really busy for me, you know, really focusing on making sure that I get out and still do some exercise. And if that means that I can’t go to the gym, that’s okay. You know, I’ll go for a walk in the national park or something like that, and just staying connected with people in any way possible. So whether that be, you know, via the phone, if I’m not able to go and visit them in person, or, yeah, just just to make sure that I stay connected and in tune with what makes me tick. And so it was a real challenge at the beginning, I think, to sit down and go, Okay, well, what do I need to do to make this happen and work for me, and this certainly was the moments where I really struggled with it. And, you know, it’s, it’s one of those things that you just kind of, sometimes really can’t make too many plans in the future, you just kind of need to go with the flow a little bit. But really be mindful about what’s working for you and what isn’t, and make those changes where appropriate.

How do you see the world differently? Or how do you imagine that you see the world differently because of being legally blind?

I think I’m much more in tune with people’s thoughts and feelings. And I guess, you know, just that different perspective. So my other senses work, I guess, to make up for that space in my brain that I’m not using the vision anymore. And so things like my, my audio senses, and my smell, my taste, all of those other senses are really heightened. And then just other things like having a really great memory. My, my family hate it, because, you know, they can’t ever get one past me, I can tell them exactly what we were doing three months ago, you know, driving down the road listening to this particular song on the radio while we’re having this particular conversation in the car. So, you know, it’s one of those things that I guess, you know, we all have strengths and areas where where we’re not so strong. And I guess for me, just adapting and working out. Okay, well, you know, I’m not using my, my visual senses so much. But then having all of those other things, you know, more highly tuned.

Is there anything I could learn from you about that? Or that to me about that?

Yeah. I think I think as a leader, I think we all need to be open to people with different situations in life. And, you know, we all individuals, we’ve all got something different. There’s a different story that we tell to, you know, who we are. And I think, especially if we’re looking at people’s careers and employment, it’s definitely really worthwhile taking upon somebody that does have a disability, you know, they’ll tend to be a much more loyal kind of employee. And yeah, I think it’s not necessarily something to put in the too hard basket. I think many organizations these days, having policies and procedures based around having a lot of more more diversity and inclusion in the workplace. And I think that’s a really fabulous thing. Because I think any workplace really needs to be a demonstration of, you know, the rest of the general population. And realistically, there’s one in four people in the world that have a disability. And it’s some time in your life that’s going to affect you, whether it be yourself a loved one, someone that you work with a friend, someone that you see in the street and have interactions with, you always going to see disability in some level in your life. And so the more that you can incorporate that and actually embrace it, and treat somebody as an individual, rather than labeling them as someone with a disability, then I think that’s really important.

I’ve had people in, in different settings, who called me out on using the wrong word. So handicap disabled. And at some point, I just kind of be I’ve become afraid of saying anything. And maybe it isn’t important. I but I, but can you shed any light on that.

I laughed when you said that. Because, you know, I think that we are so much living in a politically correct society. And I think everything has its space and its place. And so of course, if we’re in an employment kind of setting, then being politically correct, and labeling something as some someone who’s living with a disability, or, you know, using the correct terminology for, you know, their particular disability type, I think is really important. But, you know, get the lead from the person that you’re speaking to, you know, ask them okay, well, what what would you like to be referred to? So for me, I go with the legally blind thing. I think the politically correct term is visually impaired. But I don’t really like that. For myself, I don’t think it sticks. Well. And I don’t think it tells my story. And, you know, I don’t think disabled is a bad word. I think, you know, there’s, there’s always someone that’s going to disagree with that. But I think, you know, own it, for what it is. And in my case, I really do own it, because it’s my ability to then get the word out, there are two other people that, you know, this isn’t what really is my key identifier in life, I’m many things before I’m the blind lady or the disabled girl. And so, you know, it is really dependent on you know, what, what kind of setting you’re in, I think, but definitely getting the lead from the person that you’re dealing with. And, you know, any questions that you can ask somebody, as long as they’re asked in a genuine manner, I think that’s really important, like most people are open about their situations, as long as you’re asking in a genuine and contextual manner.

Well, we talked about this before the show, but I grew up in a household my mother had multiple sclerosis for, really, from the time she was in high school, and she died at 77. And I grew up with that being a part of my life. And, and there were a couple of things. I had hyper awareness of like how she was she, she walked for much of her life, but she used a cane and her steps were very precious. And so I know how many steps there are almost anywhere, I can visualize how far it is to anything. She was also on a gluten free diet for most of her life, which helped her symptoms. And so, you know, I, I’m still sort of she died three years ago, and I’m still hyper aware of, you know, what’s in the food? And, you know, could she eat that, and it’s almost hard to turn it off. But I also find that with all that awareness, I don’t necessarily become skilled with everyone else’s disability or challenges. And I have a hard time translating that awareness to others, unless I’m doing it quite intentionally, which, you know, obviously I do if I’m in that setting, but I don’t find it to be even though I grew up with it, even though I was hyper aware of how people talk to her and how, you know, so many people would talk to me when we were together, and it’s like, like, yeah, she can hear and she can talk like, don’t talk to me. But it so I don’t know, I don’t know what to do with all of that other than I noticed the my bias toward the thing I know. And I think that’s interesting.

So yeah, that that hyper alertness around that one particular situation. And look, I see You know, in some ways, it does round you out as a more, I guess, open and less judgmental person on people’s lives. I know, certainly my daughters, I’ve got a 16 and 18 year old, and they certainly, you know, have had a very different perspective on life as living with somebody who has a disability as their mom, I think, you know, I was I questioned quite a bit having children in the beginning thinking, Oh, my gosh, is my disability going to affect my ability to care for them? And is it going to impact upon their lives? And in essence, yes, it did, but in quite a positive way. And so I think it’s really exciting to be able to say, Okay, well, we’ve all got these different shared experiences that we bring into the world. And, you know, what, what is it that we can contribute, and sometimes just being really conscious of what it is that we’re bringing to the table, when we have conversations with different types of people is, you know, being aware of that bias, rather than it just being something that’s unconscious, and that’s sitting underneath that we’re just reacting to without actually being mindful about where that comes from

I have a funny conversation with my mom, kind of at the end of her life, and we were sort of talking about the impact of her Ms. Over my life and her life. And, and she, she was sort of saying, oh, and I just feel so bad. I was I didn’t cook dinner for you when you were young. And she her energy was low, there was a time that she was having an exacerbation and she really just couldn’t pull off dinner. And so my father would take my brother and me to the grocery store, and we would pick out TV dinners.

We would take us probably loved that. It’s like, I slipped out thing to look back on with a different perspective.

I loved it so much, because I got to pick whatever I wanted to eat every day. And I was, you know, kind of in control, but it felt like freedom to me. Yeah. It actually orchestrated it quite well, it wasn’t just that there was no dinner, we got the incredible like freedom to go pick what we wanted. And and it was I was just so taken by the difference in our perspectives and that story, whereas to me, that was like the best or worst moment because she can.

she was holding on to guilt about what she saw interesting our perspectives on in situations, I mean, that’s it, you know, we can all all attend the same event and walk away with something totally different from that that particular situation. And it’s all based upon our perspective, and our beliefs and values, and all of those underlying things. That, you know, often we we don’t realize that somebody else’s experience of a situation is so vastly different until we have those conversations.

Well in and I have a trap, I think of it as like my leadership trap, that I meet people who are like, stay at home moms or something, and I, and I’m around them, and they like make beautiful food every day and like have lots of time and they like shower and like look great. And I like race through my life working, building a company and I screech in and Instacart is delivering the groceries and you know, pizzas arriving and I think I made dinner today. And it’s like, I can’t be all things. But it is the trap because I Yeah, we just had a friend visiting. She’s literally traveling in an RV. And she made beautiful food every day. And I was like, I should do this. Because I do all the other things. So it’s it’s funny how, you know, that’s not even a disability. It’s just, I can’t do all things and all things. So I think I think there’s really something in this whole topic that all of us have things we can’t pull off because of the other things we’re pulling off. And I think it’s just a nice way to think of that too. For all of us.

Absolutely. It’s, you know, it’s a balancing act. Yeah. And you know, we we live in our little little space and go, Oh my gosh, like, this feels a little bit hectic. And I wish I were something else. But as soon as you start to do those comparisons, you start to really negate all of the wonderful things that you’re actually doing in your own life. And so, you know, by looking at somebody else and going I wish I had a little bit more of that. It does actually then sort of say to you, well, now I’m devaluing some of what I am actually doing. And you know, you have that conversation of all once again about perspective, that that friend would probably look at your life and go wow, like you So together, you’re so organized, you’ve got all of this stuff happening, it looks like such a busy, cool life. And, you know, they probably want a piece of that as well. So you know, it is definitely balanced.

Yeah, I think that idea of negating what you’re already doing because of the sort of FOMO or, you know, fear of missing out or whatever it is that you, I, I’m quite conscious often of how I want all the things not not like physical things, but I want to do all the things I want all the experiences. And when I get tired, I have to, I have to not do them all, I have to not get them all. And I have to choose. And I sometimes don’t like the experience of choosing.

For leaders and busy people, I think that sometimes very, very difficult to actually be able to set those boundaries for yourself and say, No, I actually need to pull back on this sort of saying yes to every opportunity that comes along, you know, being a little bit more selective and saying I need to also take into account my own self care. Because at some point, like, you know, you’ve only got a certain amount of energy to you. And if you’re giving 100% of energy all of the time, something else comes along, that takes up a little bit more energy, and then all of a sudden you’ve fallen flat.

Yeah. Well, and I think that goes back to the grief that I talked about earlier. That that yeah, it doesn’t take much when a when you’ve been pushing the envelope. Where can people find you Fiona.

So I’m all over the socials, I’m really trying to boost my Instagram profile at the moment. And the main reason for that is, is to kind of just show people a bit of a glimpse into my life. So I do share some coaching tips and things along the way. But then you also get to see my adventures of, you know, doing my day to day activities. So you’ll see me I’m doing pole dancing classes, which is quite exciting. And, you know, fitness training, we’ve just had a beautiful holiday in Queensland and lots of you know, waterfalls, and walking in national parks and just, you know, experiencing life and in giving people a bit of a glimpse into what’s it is to be doing the everyday stuff, but just from a slightly different perspective. So, so that’s Instagram, also on Facebook, LinkedIn. And I do also have a YouTube channel where I’m doing some guided meditations and things as well. So lots of little bits and pieces out there. And my name is quite unique. So it’s very easy to find me. So if you think about Denmark, and then drop the end, you’ll you’ll pretty much find me all over the place.

Oh, that’s so great. It’s been such a pleasure to have you on the show. Thank you so much for being here.

Thanks for having me, Melanie. It was great to speak to you.

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Well, it was really fun talking to Fiona. I am so struck by the this idea that when you’re choosing one thing, you’re not choosing another and that to be respectful in your own life. You need to be okay with that. I think that’s such a powerful thought. And I really encourage all of you to experiment with that, to be at peace with what you choose to do and what you can do and to honor your own journey. It’s it’s been really fun to be with you today. Go experiment!

Important Links: 

• fionademark.com.au – Website
• Fiona Demark – LinkedIn
• Fiona Demark – Facebook Page
• Fiona Demark – Instagram
• Fiona Demark New and Full Moon Meditations – YouTube

Fiona Demark

Fiona Demark is an inspirational Speaker and Life Coach. She helps people who are stuck and frustrated with their lives to create a new reality. Fiona has been legally blind since birth and loves to share her story of resilience, positivity and life achievements to inspire and motivate others.
Fiona knows the importance of a positive mindset and a ‘Can Do’ attitude. This has helped Fiona to overcome adversity and think outside the square in order to achieve her dreams. Her interest in natural therapies has led her to study hypnotherapy and reiki to compliment her skills in life coaching and social work.

After moving from the Outback to the city to complete her Social Work studies at University, Fiona has worked with a range of people to support her clients through significant life changes. Fiona is the proud mother of two teenage daughters, works a full time job at VicRoads, and manages her own business.

Fiona loves adventure, often being pillion passenger on her husband’s motorcycle. “Riding around Phillip Island at 300kmph was something I will always remember.”

Fiona lives her life focusing on her main four senses that now work more efficiently than if Fiona could see. “I love the smell of rain, clean clothes and the bookstore. (Yes, I go to the bookstore and smell the books – even though I use audio and eBooks to read!) I love the touch of the sun on my skin, the wind in my hair and hugs from loved ones. The taste of a great meal or glass of wine are things I savor. And, of course my hearing. I enjoy reading audio books, chatting with friends and listening to a wide range of music.”

Fiona never says “No.” to a challenge or opportunity, never letting her disability prevent her from achieving the things she sets her mind to.
Fiona speaks to community groups, job seekers, and corporate organizations to share her story of inspiration, motivating others to set goals and achieve their dreams. She also works individually with clients to provide one-on-one support and coaching.

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